Horrifying two hours at Pathankot!

After a reflective and learning workshop ‘Buland Irade’ and a day trip to Mcleodganj, we were heading back to our respective places. All the other people had their train from Pathankot cantt station while I was travelling alone from Pathankot to Delhi. I was happy as I love travelling alone and I needed space for myself after the workshop. It was about 9 pm in the night when I reached railway station. The lane leading from the main road (which had 2-3 shops) to the station was narrow, dingy and dark, there were no street lights. As I walked with small steps, the darkness crept into my heart, I was feeling scared. 

I was told initially that Pathankot station is quite lively, there are shops open even at night and there would be quite a number of people, but there were few people loitering here and there, few sitting on the chair waiting for their train. I was relieved to see Daulatdhar express already standing on the station, so hurriedly I tried locating my coach. I saw a man following, his gait was weird, probably he was drunk, so I sat down but he kept walking, turning around and staring at me. I was badly uncomfortable so I shouted at him asking for what he actually wants? To my horror he turned back with a grin, “Can I help you? I thought you are alone, you might want something?”

I didn’t know how to react; I just gave him a dirty look. His stares kept haunting me until he disappeared in the darkness ahead. I was feeling hungry, I thought it would be better if I could go back to main road and get something to eat, however the thought to walk on the same dingy lane was scary. Left with no option, I walked back gathering all the courage, there was nothing great to eat, so I ordered aloo tikki bun. As I waited for the food to be made and cooked, I saw another two men sitting close by, constantly staring at me and drinking beer! Horrified I asked the food vendor to pack my food fast, I was scared and in my mind I was figuring out how will I run if anyone of them makes an advance at me? There was dingy lane ahead and dark road on the other side.

“tring…tring..” lost in the thought, I heard the voice, “madam ji aapka phone baj raha hai”. With all the chaos happening inside and outside, my bag fell down. The man came closer, his eyes hovering up and down on me tried picking my bag, before anything else would have happened my food was ready. I thanked god, hurriedly I picked everything and with heavy steps I moved back to the station. Finally I found out my coach as well, there was time before the doors would open so I sat on the chair reading the beautiful book by ‘Amrita Pritam’. 

I was feeling uncomfortable as if something was wrong! I looked up, I saw a man (he was someone who had authority to take care of the rest rooms) staring at me. He was big, dark, half bald, with big black moustache, he was wearing a shirt which was shabbily coming out of his pants- he was rubbing his chest with his hands, which was sometimes going down as well. The constant glares were creepy, I tried ignoring him. I didn’t really know what to do? What if I shout at him and he comes back to me? Moreover there was a couple sitting behind me, so I was little okay. After a while, the couple walked away, I was left alone. Now I freaked out as I could see him advancing towards me. In my mind I had already made plans of how to hit him, where to hit him and then running away, because I couldn’t see anyone who could help me. There were handful of people here and there but begging for help could hardly be of help. I was ready, he was coming closer, more closer, everything was blurring down… my heartbeat was fast…faster, I thought I would die, he sat down leaving one chair in between. Now he was few inches away, still staring at me without blinking. 

“Ghadi khul gayi hai, chalo jaldi jaldi” oh! Nothing brought more peace to my life than this one sentence. Within seconds, I picked up my luggage and ran towards the train. Relieved, I was glad that I was inside the train. But this happiness survived for only few minutes. Why? Because there were only 2 passengers in the coach, me and another man in the adjacent seat!!

I was wondering why all these things were happening to me? Thankfully this man didn’t say anything to me, didn’t stare at me, instead he spoke on phone with someone and then started hearing songs. Finally the train started, I adjusted my blanket and got inside it wondering how terrible it is for a girl to just travel alone in night. However you are, beautiful, ugly ( I don’t really believe in these terms), slim, fat, wearing shorts, sari or jeans you are always under scrutiny, under scanner of peering eyes, uncomfortable gestures, stalking and other extreme form. I was in a public place where there were people, still there were eyes following me, staring at me, looking at me lustfully, and making me feel like piece of skin! 

I was clueless as to what they must be achieving or gaining pleasure by just looking at me? The demon of violence is so ingrained that people don’t realize they are playing with someone’s modesty! Though I was scared and I am still horrified, my inner self is now more determined towards curbing gender based violence.